The Parent Connection

Episode Transcript

KANIKA CHADDA GUPTA [00:00:00]:
Last time on Year One, Jenna got more familiar with the students she'd be teaching this year, especially the ones who are determined to test the boundaries.

JENNA MACNULTY [00:00:09]:
The biggest thing that I'm struggling with is just the kids who refuse. Like the kids who straight up all say, please come back to your seat. They'll say no.

KANIKA CHADDA GUPTA [00:00:18]:
And was surprised with a few instances where she needed to get school staff involved.

JENNA MACNULTY [00:00:24]:
I had students who were fighting. They said some very inappropriate things to each other, so I had to write a referral. Luckily, I have an awesome team. My counselor, she actually took my class for like 15 minutes. She decided to like pull everyone to the carpet and read them a story while I filled out this form because she could tell that I like, just wanted to get it done because I was stressed about it.

KANIKA CHADDA GUPTA [00:00:43]:
On this episode. As some of those behavioral issues continue, Jenna has no choice but to call on the most important part of a student's support, their parents. This is year one from Carnegie Learning, a podcast that chronicles all the ups and downs of one teacher's first year in the classroom. I'm your host, Kanika Chadda-Gupta. Over the course of the school year, parents and teachers need to touch base for a variety of reasons. Aside from the open houses and parent teacher conferences, there are many times when they need to connect periodically about academic progress, homework assignments, school events, or attendance and behavior. Laying the foundation for an open and communicative relationship early on is an important part of the job, especially if it comes time for a more difficult conversation.

MAGGIE [00:01:39]:
One thing I like to do at the very beginning of the school year is I call every single parent within the first week of school.

KANIKA CHADDA GUPTA [00:01:46]:
Again, this is Maggie, a teacher who has had 15 years of experience in communicating with parents.

MAGGIE [00:01:53]:
It's hard the first day because I think you're exhausted as a teacher. Mentally, you're like, you're running on a high because you're super excited. But also you have a thousand things running through your brain. So I usually tell parents, I'll say, well, I may be giving you guys a call here within the first week and just saying, hey, I saw so and so today. I just want to tell you they did a really nice job coming into circle time and raising their hands or so and so did a really nice job of helping their friend out when they were looking for something. And it's funny because you get different reactions from parents. Some of them are like, what happened? What'd he do? What'd she do? Or, hi, what is she going to say? And other times parents are like, oh, yeah, thanks for calling. And I always ask parents, like, is there anything I can do to help you, or do you have any questions or anything that you'd like me to know about your child that maybe would help me to understand them better? And I think when you open up that door of communication with them, that door's been opened.

MAGGIE [00:02:48]:
You've had that communication laid out, and hopefully it sets the tone for a good year for you and them.

KANIKA CHADDA GUPTA [00:02:55]:
Today, teachers can communicate with parents in a variety of ways. Email, newsletters, texts, video chats, and even social media are used just as often as a phone call or handwritten notes.

JENNA MACNULTY [00:03:09]:
Every once in a while, if I have a student who has, like, a particularly rough day, I'll send them a message on seesaw, which is our technology platform, or I'll send them an email being like, hey, this person did this today.

KANIKA CHADDA GUPTA [00:03:23]:
Having so many options to communicate really empowers teachers to keep up a regular dialogue with parents, which hopefully leads to mutual trust and understanding of the students strengths and needs. To help communicate some of the behavior issues she's facing, Jenna has started using a behavior sheet.

JENNA MACNULTY [00:03:43]:
If a student has a behavior sheet, then you track their behavior throughout the day. So I have three students that I track their behavior throughout the day, which is a lot to juggle. First of all, three different sheets for literally, like, you check yes or no for like three different columns of are they following directions the first or second time? Yes or no for every single hour. Are they keeping their hands to themselves for every single hour? Are they off task or out of their seat for every single hour? It's a lot, but that's a lot of communication with those parents, because those are the parents that you mostly need the most communication with as the students who are having those behavior issues.

KANIKA CHADDA GUPTA [00:04:21]:
For more extreme instances, like a fight between two students, a good old fashioned phone call to the parents is necessary. And this is a new experience for Jenna, which has made her very nervous for a few reasons.

JENNA MACNULTY [00:04:35]:
I remember being so scared to call them because that was really my first call home about anything. And, you know, just talking on the phone, you know, phone anxiety is real. So talking to these parents, who obviously are going to be, like, frustrated and disappointed in their kids actions, hopefully. Anyway, basically what I did to calm myself down was I wrote a literal script of what I was going to say before I called her. A sheet of paper with, like, three fourths of it filled with just full sentences from start to finish. And I'm sure it sounded that way on the phone when I read it. Like I was so nervous. I'm pretty sure I just sounded like a robot, like reading from a literal page paper, because that's what I was doing.

JENNA MACNULTY [00:05:11]:
But that helped my brain be like, this is the story, these are the facts. This is what I'm going to say. So I was glad that I had that second to kind of figure out my thoughts before I talked to them. But they were very supportive. They were very, you know, on my side. They were trying to figure out the root of the problem, and they went home and they talked to their child, and that was that. And I've been in contact with them for a lot of things, and she's a very communicative parent. It went as well as it could have.

JENNA MACNULTY [00:05:39]:
But obviously talking to parents is just scary because you never know what they're gonna say.

KANIKA CHADDA GUPTA [00:05:45]:
Thankfully, Jenna is dealing with parents who are equally invested in the success of her students, but it doesn't make it any less nerve wracking.

JENNA MACNULTY [00:05:56]:
I think every time I talk to a parent, there's just a little part of me that's like, oh, will this be it? Will this be it? Is this the time where I'm gonna get chewed out? Sort of thing? And I hope it never happens, but I feel like it's kind of inevitable.

KANIKA CHADDA GUPTA [00:06:09]:
But not all parents are as receptive to a teacher's feedback. And while having these direct conversations is part and parcel with the job, it can be disheartening when their efforts in the classroom aren't matched at home. Maggie shares one experience with a parent that nearly made her quit teaching altogether.

MAGGIE [00:06:30]:
I had a parent that at the time, I had their student, and this student had some major behavioral issues. And I tried reaching out and talking to the parent and everything, and this child was screaming and yelling at me, calling me names, saying I was an evil, ugly lady. And then like 5 seconds later, the student would tell me that they were sorry, running around the room, and I would try to get support and different things. And because I think the school I was at, there was a lot of behavioral issues, and we didn't have enough support for these students that, you know, you would take them for a break and they'd come back in five minutes. And I tried talking to the parent, just saying, you know, how it was affecting their child's education, other people's, and trying to set up things, behavioral plans. I would chart this child's behavior, and we would check in in the morning and before lunch and after lunch at the end of the day, and we talked about procedures and life skills and send this paper home and have the mother of this child sign it, which wasn't very often. And whenever I would reach out to this parent, they just pretty much told me it was my fault. So we finally decided to sit down, try to talk to the mom as like, a committee.

MAGGIE [00:07:43]:
When I say committee, like myself, my principal, psychologist, special ed teacher, and just say, hey, we're trying to get some things figured out for this child. And up until that point, I was. I was exhausted. I mean, it's emotionally mentally draining when you have a kid who screams at you 1 minute and then says they're sorry, and then they get Madden and they start beating their head on a lunch table, and not only it's that child, but it's half your class that's having some issues and stuff. So education was not a top priority, unfortunately. I felt like that year it was more survival and just getting kids ready to even step into the classroom to try to learn because there were other students that were having issues, and I didn't have an aid, you know? So anyway, we had a parent meeting, and this parent went off on me and was yelling at me during this meeting, and we were trying to talk to this parent, and she was saying things that I had said in conversation, and I had told my principal, I said, that is not what was said. And I said I was very open with her, trying to give her all this documentation, trying to reach out to her, and she was telling everybody that I had said, done this stuff, and I hadn't. And so my principal pretty much told me that I needed to apologize for something that I hadn't done.

MAGGIE [00:08:57]:
Then it was like, kind of like the straw that broke the camel's back, you know, you can only take so much mentally, emotionally, and get up and do it every day. So I went home. I was not happy. Usually I think I'm a pretty happy go lucky person. And I told my husband, I said, I'm done teaching. I don't enjoy it anymore. I was to the point, like, I don't think I have anything else to give.

KANIKA CHADDA GUPTA [00:09:22]:
With stories like Maggie's, it's no wonder over 40% of teachers quit within the first five years. Burnout and job dissatisfaction are easy to come by when you feel like you're facing these challenges alone. Successful connections with parents, though, those can be transformational for all involved and really reinforce why an educator's job can be so special. One experience in particular has Jenna absolutely buzzing with excitement.

JENNA MACNULTY [00:09:53]:
One of my students, I could tell on Friday, he's such a great kid, and I could tell that he was just getting so annoyed with everyone around him. Like, everyone was just talking and he was like, he had his eyes on me the whole time. I could tell that he was just, like, over it. So I made a point to, like, message his mom at the end of the day and be like, hey, I just want to let you know that, like, your kid is doing such a great job in school. He's so respectful, so kind, so on task, even when people around him aren't. So just, like, wanted to give him that shout out and let you know you should be proud of him. And that was really the first time I've done one of those reach out to home for just, like, a random positive sort of thing. But it was just so nice because her response was like, oh, thank you.

JENNA MACNULTY [00:10:34]:
He's never been a problem kid, so we never get much feedback on him. Like, this kind message means so much to parents. So thank you so much. When I got the response, I was with my boyfriend and I read it and I was like, look how nice this message is. And I showed him, I was like, read it, look like, oh, my gosh, I'm making a difference. She's proud of me and she's proud of him. Wow, look at us go. So in the moment, it just made me really happy.

JENNA MACNULTY [00:10:55]:
Even with a kid who has looked so down in the dumps, I, like, still was able to make that connection. And I'm glad that there's other ways that I found out that I can make that happen, too. Now, do I know if the mom shared it with him at home? No, but I know that that made the mom feel good, which in turn, hopefully translated to getting a nice little proud of you bud at home. And I'm like, oh, you know what? Reaching out to home doesn't always have to be a negative thing. Like, it can be a nice positive thing. So that was a nice little moment for me to step back and be like, oh, no, I'm making a positive impact too, as much as I have to do the disciplining and the contacting home for negative reasons. So just knowing that, like, my words can impact students not just in class and how they do in class, but hopefully outside of school too, I will definitely try to pull at least a, a few per quarter just to do a nice little touch base with the parents.

KANIKA CHADDA GUPTA [00:11:54]:
This is Year One, an exploration of one teacher's first year in the classroom, brought to you by Carnegie Learning. Join us for the rest of the series as we follow Jenna through every moment. And be sure to follow Miss MacNulty on Instagram and TikTok to keep up with her. For additional exclusive content, free teaching resources, and more, visit year onepodcast.com. next time on year one, Jenna has her very first parent teacher conference, and it comes with a few surprises.

JENNA MACNULTY [00:12:30]:
Something I wasn't prepared for was most of these parents were very emotional about their children. I had two parents cry in front of me about their student. I felt like a counselor. I felt like a therapist.

KANIKA CHADDA GUPTA [00:12:46]:
As you've heard, parental involvement in a child's education is so important. That's why I'm inviting Jenna and Janet Irwin, mom of two and VP of Marketing at Carnegie Learning, to be guests on my show, That's Total Momsense. We're going to talk about what a good parent teacher relationship looks like and how, as parents, we can support teachers to help our kids succeed in the classroom. The episode is live, so click the link in the show notes to listen and visit thatstotalmomsense.com.